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The Abyss

by Andy Zuk

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1.
It was never going to happen the way I planned it With my fucked up sense of abandonment And it was never going to get you the way I planned it It was more aggressive than I had meant And I’ve been starting to realise lately Don’t climb you’ve got to crawl And live with nothing if you want to take it all Something in you wakes the animal in me And when it’s awake I just can’t sleep Is something getting in the way? When I stop looking then I will see It’s never going to happen the way I planned it And it’s one of those things that is never going to be If I want something I get it, I just go and take it, With my deep seated sense of entitlement My desires are sick, only you can sate ‘em You’re my satan from heaven sent And I’ve been coming to thinking lately No point in praying they want you to crawl No point in flying cos you’re going to take that fall
2.
It’s taken 20 years to get my teeth around it, I’m never going to let this go I’m a snidey little bitch and the more I give you The less you’re going to take back home You’ll know when it starts to spiral and it all starts to slip You’ll wish that you had aimed for so-so, and just missed Whether you’re climbing up a mountain or gone straight off a cliff You’re one step further from forever but it’s all just relative This hungry dog’s an angry dog and you can’t stand it, You feed it but it just won’t stop You try and throw a punch but then you just can’t land it You’re never coming out on top I get to the joke before you but what did you expect? You transmit all your thoughts around you and then I just reflect I stop the ball from rolling and I garble your speech And I talk in confusing syntax keep that prize out of reach I keep trying and then failing ‘til it comes to a head I run the race I’m trailing ‘til the lights turn to red I’m climbing up that ladder but I’m losing my way I’m fading away, I’m fading away into you I stalk deserted corridors just like a hydra That’s going to grow another head I close the valves and watch the pressure build inside you You’ll buckle underneath that dread Been given life outside your nightmares now I’m coming for you I move the pieces on the chessboard and you’re not getting through I dilute your solution and I weaken your brew There’s nothing left for you to hang on for or try to cling to
3.
Auto Reply 03:07
I’m superficial if you want to know the truth I’m so sarcastic when I’m trying to get to you A better chief than you have ever been an indian I’d eat you with a fork and spoon and only spit you out again There’s nothing I can tell you that you don’t already think that you know A life without the frontiers and relief without the tears But I’m building nothing, eternal hope springs I’m inches wide of the target, I’m microns off of the mark, I’m drowning in your confusion You say I am long-winded and I guess that much is true, I know that nought and one and nought and nought and one is two My resolve’s unflinching I never turn around I drown out all your talking with this detuned and buzzing sound But you already know I bring the hammer to your nail, You know, that certain something While you’re drowning in the detail and your mind’s imploding I’m bailing out of your jump jet We’re not even nearly there yet I’m never coming back to you
4.
The Abyss 04:49
I’ve built this existence but something is calling me home To the muck stack and coking plant Fights in the pubs when they close But the mist starts to gather up that incline on Wakefield Road And the photos in the time capsule Start to grow sepia toned A place in my memory There’s not that much left to see Now it recedes Dust gathers over Athersley, rests and it settles like stone Archaeologists brush off the dirt From my childhood home And the Pit Fields turn back into swamp and across them I float I orbit this epoch But flesh has long since turned to bone The Cherwell breaks its banks and swallows this whole city down An Atlantis for the late nineties Nothing and no one were found But the bath left in Gatehouse and the threadbare ceremonial gowns Hieroglyphics and symbols are amplified deafeningly loud We resisted unstoppable progress but lost in the end Now Camden’s a folly That speaks of that futile intent Onlookers stand baffled ‘cos they can’t understand what it meant Like Pompeii’s volcano coughing dust through an old smoking vent These memories will fade and slip down the abyss Coins tossed down the well for a transient wish And float to the surface embellished but partly erased I’ll put them in aggregate start to make sense Of my deepest regrets through my wise and old lens And store them in triplicate Safe ‘til the end of my days All my days are slipping away
5.
A Lonely War 04:53
I speak loud in a shrieking tone And my thoughts are not my own And I just wonder why My friends are all skin and bone Ringing empty telephones And I just wonder why There’s a gaping hole inside me I could turn this day to night When you pull me left, I push right And all you’re going to get from me Is a first refusal It’s a lonely war But it’s one I’ll always fight I cry through my maniacal grin My walls stand but I’m caving in And you just wonder why You might twist but you’ll never fit Your fists swing but you’ll never hit And you just wonder why It’s a lonely war so I start the attrition I had a long walk back from my crucifixion And I man the gates And sit and pontificate About the right and the wrong way And where you should all stay Back in the good old days Where there’s not so much colour As just shades of grey And it’s my own fault That I let them slip away Slip the wrong way down The tunnels that you dig Will never lead you to nowhere I spot the difference Contrast/compare None of you can phase me Confuse me or daze me I’m on the home front Where I like to fight my battles Where my voice can shriek And my bones can rattle When I think my thoughts Nobody is safe.
6.
Like a Sunday in January I turn the screw Put the voltage on your filament And blow out your fuse I’m predictable and cynical I’m a danger to know I’m that sly cigarette That’ll burn down your home And I’m doing all of this just because I can So I fortify the battlements Many versus the few And I make myself separate With my mind as my tool And I circumvent the obvious And the fait accompli And I’m moving so fast I look stationary Do you get that sinking feeling? What you’ve lost I’ve found The sound of my rain that’s pounding On your saturated ground I’m dragging you down Glory ceases to be fleeting I’m a sight to behold When I float above your chaos And just watch it unfold And I’m drifting under oceans To emerge from the sea Because I know you’ll be waiting Waiting for me Do you get that sinking feeling? Third time and you’ll drown The sound of my tide encroaching The ocean approaching the ground
7.
I was destined for greatness And meant to escape this But look how these things have turned out It’s a strange way of saying that It’s all been forgiven but You’ve won so just stand yourself down I take to the road and you stay on my back When I’m at my weakest you know to attack And you’re needles in haystacks At night time I’ve seen you turn black I accept that I have days When I astound and I amaze but I guess I want more than my share I know the streets that I’m walking are Made of gold paving but Before I can win I must dare When I’m wasted and under your spell Voice cracking like glass Singing songs like alarm bells Droning out a rhapsody to drown out all your doubt Now I’ve been waiting too long I need something to pin my hopes back on

credits

released September 19, 2015

All words and music by Andy Zuk

Thanks to John Rose and Kenny Harkis for ears, encouragement and taste, and to Morag Zuk for photography and artwork.

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Andy Zuk England, UK

Andy is a multi instrumentalist singer/songwriter and producer living in the south of England.

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